Post-Election Exhaustion. What Do We Do Now?

Regardless of political persuasion, we're probably feeling pretty depleted after this year's presidential election.

It's not hard to see why, considering it officially began in January with the Iowa Caucuses. More to the point, this election started at the close of the last one four years ago, which started at the end of the one before that, in 2016.

Political scientists call this the "perpetual campaign," which blurs the line between the end of one and the start of another. They also cost a lot of money, some say up to $14 billion for this one. Most of us would agree that such sums could have been better spent on direct solutions to issues of concern for folks across the political spectrum.

We also know that substantial time, money and attention weren't the only things the election cost us. It seriously stressed our personal relationships, especially with the people we love, even those living under the same roof.

The hostility and rancor we experienced for the last four years (and beyond) has taken its toll on our emotional well-being, along with other stable markers of our health.

As a responsible citizen, whether our candidate has been chosen to be the next president or not, we're supposed to keep up with the state of the union. Watch the latest news, study the plan going forward, celebrate or commiserate with our fellow Americans. At the moment, most of us are just too damned tired and burned out to do any of that.

So, whether our candidate won or lost, how do we move forward? How do we heal ourselves and our relationships? How do we reboot and re-dedicate our attention to the rituals and responsibilities of daily life?

Here's advice from some experts.

Psychology Today suggests that "affective polarization" may be what's ailing us. That's when we have negative feelings for those who voted differently. It can also lead us to experience a form of PTSD: post-traumatic stress disorder.

The first thing we should do is avoid giving in to avoidance. Whether it's people, places, or anything we feel triggers negative feelings and reactions.

"Political polarization encourages fractiousness, stress, anxiety, sleep problems, and depression; and it’s much worse now than after elections past," notes the authors.

In the wake of the election, experts urge that we re-commit to being social. Of course, taking care to steer clear of politics. During the election, we probably did so to avoid arguments. Now the goal is to return to being social (without being political) in order to move on, to start the healing process with the people we love and want to keep in our lives.

According to UC Berkeley's Greater Good Magazine (with the tagline: Science-Based Insights for a Meaningful Life), we should ask ourselves "Eight Questions That Can Help You Survive Election Stress." It was written back in June but no less informative now. The article focuses on how our bodies and minds manifest stress and how to alleviate its effects.

First, ask where in our bodies are we feeling that stress. Is it disrupting sleep, triggering past traumas that lead to more anxiety, or about heading to the kitchen to eat something unhealthy (I'm certainly guilty of this one)? The article directs us to figure out ways to soothe ourselves, to seek out "good news" and carefully count our gratefuls.

More akin to the above, the article advises that as we connect with others, find a way to use our talents to still make a difference in the broader world. We know best what we believe in. Get back to work and take real steps today (and the next day) toward making that happen.

The holidays are coming up. If we don't know where to channel our compassion, volunteer with the Salvation Army. Work a soup kitchen during Thanksgiving.

Whatever we do, it shouldn't involve giving up on who we are and what we believe in because of how our candidate fared in the election. Invite friends and family who voted differently to join us at the next get-together. If not right now, then soon. Take that next step in reminding all of us what we aim to restore: kindness and compassion for each other.

Lastly, if our candidate lost, we're feeling devastated. If our candidate prevailed, chances are we know someone who is grieving and struggling to move on. If we want to return to being good neighbors, supportive friends and loving family members, regardless of party affiliation, reach out to our people. The ones who were part of our tribe before we wore any political buttons.

It may not seem plausible to some, but, as Scientific American describes in a recent article, "Election Grief is Real. Here's How to Cope." It warns against feeling bad about feeling bad. It's quite normal to grieve over losing something we invested so much of ourselves in, that encapsulated what we value, and that reflected the heart of our world view. Like any loss of something dear, it isn't easy to move on. But we will.

As with any loss, we know deep down it will loosen its grip with the passing of time. As the articles similarly instruct, it urges us to think short term and long term. Do something in the short term to "find a purpose in your loss, and that purpose should be something active," notes the author, Meghan Bartels. In the long term, learn how to strengthen the skills that allow us to cope with uncertainty.

Learn to embrace improvisation as a strategy for building resilience, suggests Bartels. Become comfortable with the ups and downs as part of the process rather than focus on an end game of wins and losses.

"Do something different that you've never done before," suggests Bartels. "Stretch yourself ... do something different. Take a hike on a new path."

I mentioned above about reinvesting in kindness and rediscovering compassion. That starts with each one of us. Turn your face toward the sun today (if that's possible). Hug yourself then go hug someone else. And, I say this from experience, stay out of the kitchen unless you're planning to make something that won't make your body feel worse. Work on restoring your equilibrium and re-establishing your sense of purpose.

In the end, we know that election results are beyond our personal control. We can only have sway over how they make us feel, today and in the coming days. For now, feel any way you need to. Then get back to living in the world. It's still yours to impact for others' sake as much as your own.

If you need help with moving on, please reach out. I'm here to help you map your way forward.

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