Summertime Blues: Crammed Calendars and Exhausting Vacations

Summer is the season many of us associate with time off or time away from our regular, more predictable routines. We go on vacations to discover new places. Or to show old places to new friends and family members. We hit the road with unbridled enthusiasm and take in historic sites, chiseled monuments, and breathtaking national parks.

We do so with a sense of urgency. That's because we grasp the fleeting nature of a season that forecasts idealized leisure, ceaseless sunshine, and postcard-perfect memories.

What’s lodged in our imaginations is that fun-in-the-sun vibe we see shared on social media. Or visions of ourselves basking in those "lazy hazy days of summer" (thanks, Nat King Cole). Perhaps we imagine we're Sandy and Danny in Grease hoping to get swept away by a summer romance.

For me summer is often accompanied by a lifelong soundtrack that anticipated the romantic fiction of the "Endless Summer" the Beach Boys once promised me.

Most of us have a summer anthem we start humming once the weather gets warmer. Depending on our age and era, we might hear Frank Sinatra's "Summer Wind," the Go-Gos' "Vacation," or Harry Styles' "Watermelon Sugar."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=RD1tCc--3xw10&v=1tCc--3xw10

Sly & the Family Stone's "Hot Fun in the Summertime" from 1969 is one of my favorites.

Beyond biological needs and circadian rhythms, why do we worship the sun, especially in summer? Helen Keller once observed that if we turn our faces "to the sun," we can avoid seeing "the shadows." Is that what all this mandated fun in the sun is meant to do: dodge sadness and keep melancholy at bay? That's a lot of pressure to put on a season. And perhaps a warning sign about how precarious our grip on happiness is that no beach towel can cover up or slice of watermelon can soothe.

Perhaps we're trying to do more with more. To emphasize quantity over quality and cram in as much as we can. Even if that strategy risks further depleting what energy reserves any plans are meant to restore. A stressful approach to a stress-free experience that leaves us needing a vacation from our vacation.

It's not the journey, it's the destination?

Contrary to the most sage advice about how wisdom lies in the journey, we often fixate on our summer destination and endure whatever it takes to get there. Both the journey and the destination could yield spontaneous moments of joy or heartfelt insights, if only we could relax long enough to let them happen on their own.

We're well aware that all the planning, packing, and transporting ourselves to dream destinations is not the fun part. Nor are they alone capable of revealing truths about ourselves. Still, we promise ourselves fun (and plenty of healing sun) once we get to the lake, the cottage, the ocean, the campsite, the resort, or fill-in-the-blank theme park.

Not too long ago I watched a neighbor load up his station wagon for a week's vacation with his family. He spent hours strapping things to the roof, fixing gear to the tailgate, and buckling down even more stuff in a trailer he was to tow. Everything was overflowing with "toys" for the trails, waves, and BBQs ahead. And he looked exhausted before he even backed out of the driveway.

As a life coach, I recently asked one of my stressed-out clients to list all the activities he and his family had been involved in since school let out in spring. I needed him to gauge the pace and scope of what might explain his current fatigue. Once he reviewed his list, he was dumbstruck by what he and his family had put themselves through. Most of his family's overcrowded calendar was linked to summer fun-and-sun activities. The problem was that he failed to see the signs of stress creeping in because it was all about going ON VACATION!

We anticipate the inevitable snags when planning a trip cross-country for Thanksgiving. We're battle-ready for the possible snow storm, piece of lost luggage, or sulking family member. But to have to deal with a pouty relative at a summer rental seems like a sin against sunshine itself.

I asked the above client what would happen if he followed through on what he said to me in one of our sessions: to scale back on some of his family's vacation plans. At first, he stared at me as if I’d suggested he call off a space shuttle launch. Within a week, though, he relayed how they indeed cut back some plans and replaced them with a mini “staycation.” At first his wife balked, concerned that it was a throwback to the COVID years. But once she realized it was a choice and not a mandate, she was in.

Is summer burnout a real thing?

Maybe it's hard for us to fully grasp the effort, expense, and exhaustion involved in executing the ideal summer vacation. We seem to be in a state of denial about the inevitable highs and lows, the lost reservation, or occasional stomach upset. Yet, no matter how many mosquito bites or sunburns we suffer, we maintain our enthusiasm for our perfect projections and tolerate nothing less.  

"Unlike traditional burnout, which is usually linked to work overload or chronic stress, summer burnout often stems from the pressure to balance too many expectations under the illusion of rest," notes a blog from Cook Counseling and Consulting, which specializes in psychotherapy services. It notes that common causes of summer burnout include:

• Overcommitting to social events or travel.

• Juggling work deadlines while covering for others on vacation.

• Childcare responsibilities when school is out.

• Heat-related fatigue and disrupted sleep.

• The mental load of “making the most” of the season.

• Financial stress from seasonal spending.

Are we having fun, yet?

Even kids today seem as exhausted as their parents by the summer's end. They've been enrolled in various camps (sometimes back to back) to boost their grasp of science, to expose them to wilderness training, or to beef up their athletic skills.

The latest trend in summer camps is one that promises parents a technology-free week for their kids, whether in the woods or another natural setting. What was an ordinary camp in the pre-digital era, with hiking trips, swimming lessons, and campfires, is now marketed as a novelty (and often pricey) "analog" experience.

I spent most of my childhood summers complaining about how bored I was. My mother's response was to tell me to go outside and get some "fresh air." No matter what excuse I offered (it's hot and muggy or just plain buggy), she'd simply repeat: "Go find something to do because you're not spending the summer watching TV all day!" It wasn't much different than getting a kid today to put down the cell phone or tablet and go outside for that curative "fresh air" my mother was pushing.

What's perhaps changed, for better or worse, is that my mother didn't think she was responsible for my fun. Or that it was her job to keep me entertained for the summer. What I made of it (or didn't) was entirely up to me. Ah, what I wouldn't give now to get back some of that "bored" time I griped about at age 11.

I've come to realize that time itself is not the problem. Its lack or abundance. It's our assumption that we can control it. As a result, come summertime, we overload it and push it beyond its temporal limitations. In winter, time drags on. In summer, time becomes a most precious commodity.

The late, great humorist, Erma Bombeck once described her summer experience living in a camper with her family as being more work for her as a mom. She complained that she had traded in her suburban laundry room to now having to wash clothes in a propane-fueled saucepan. Yes, Erma's familiar bombast. But a kernel of truth nonetheless.

© Warner Brothers/Photofest

For any of my clients who vacation away from home with their kids, this makeshift hit-or-miss handling of life's daily routines (and nap times) is often a source of acute stress. And we don't have to resemble the Griswolds with Chevy Chase at the helm to realize how quickly vacations can turn into ordeals and a test of wills.

On a trip to Florida with my brothers and I crammed into the backseat, my father actually uttered those threatening words about turning the car around if we didn't behave. My husband's family once left one of the kids behind at a rest stop. It wasn't long before they noticed and doubled-back to retrieve her. It's now a memorable (and amusing) part of the family's folklore.

"Slow travel" on purpose

A survey sponsored by Club Wyndham reported that two in three Americans admit feeling too much pressure during their vacations to actually enjoy them. Of the 2,000 adults surveyed, almost one-quarter of them said they haven't felt physically relaxed after their vacations for the last two years.

The view of Spider Lake from our cabin's dock.

"High demand for leisure travel and a pent-up desire for vacations have resulted in many of today's travelers approaching their vacations with limited time and an urgent list of must-sees and must-dos. Making them stressed before they even unpack," notes Renu Hanegeefs-Snehi, of Travel + Leisure Co.

"Slow travel is to go boldly, knowing that being in the moment is the only thing that matters because that's where vacation takes place." Yes, to live in the moment, whether en route or at our destination.

When I look back on some of my fondest family vacation memories, they occurred on rainy days at a summer rental when we couldn't go outdoors. We had to be creative and amuse ourselves. We hovered over jigsaw puzzles, board games, and coloring books. And that was just the adults. The point was to spend time together and to let whatever happened happen.

Michigan lakes and northern escapes

Every summer for the past dozen years my family crowds into a lake house near Traverse City, Michigan. It sleeps 12 and we bring enough food to feed 20 for a month, but which barely lasts the week.

The common fiction for those of us who endure long, dark winters is that we're too active in the summertime to gain weight.

Personally, I leave that lake cottage like other people come off a cruise ship: five pounds heavier. That's despite hiking, biking, swimming, kayaking, and perhaps a game or two of water volleyball.

My weight gain is no surprise to anyone, including me. I start drinking soda (pop to us Michiganders), beer and cocktails around midday. That's after having started on chips and dip not long after breakfast. Basically, it's one long grazing period that's permissible only because I'm ON VACATION!

We can't even plan a boat ride without dragging a cooler and tote bags full of snacks. These boat rides often have me obsessively looking for loons. It's not "up north" to me without hearing their mournful calls echo across the lake. But I'm not sure how we can even hear a loon above the din of crunching, rustling, and crackling that accompanies our moveable feast.

I once tried to plan ahead for this inevitable vacation binge-fest. I packed a Costco-sized bag of nut and dried fruit packets to ward off the fast food, rest stop fare I knew sets me up for failure. After two weeks and 5,000 miles, I'd eaten just two packets. But I had eaten my weight in hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad, ice cream, and fudge (courtesy of Mackinac Island). In Traverse City, everything is cherry-inspired, from salsas to t-shirts, incorporating this local specialty. That includes the nearby Cherry Capital Airport.

I've heard plenty of stories from clients with their own version of the potato chip problem. Let's face it, if it's salty, sweet, or greasy, it's our go-to food. And everyone knows that calories don't count while ON VACATION!

Aside from my ongoing struggle with food (and local cherry-flavored BBQ chips), I approached this year's vacation with a new attitude. Like many people, I had to work some of the time, when the Wifi gods were feeling generous. Otherwise, I tried to do nothing whenever I could. To just be in the moment. Appreciate whatever I could see off the porch or the dock. Stare at the campfire across the lake or boat lights in the distance. Give myself a chance to get bored like I did when I was a kid.

Maybe it didn't really slow down time. But it allowed me to relish any given moment for all it was worth. To try to fix in my memory that infectious smile that lights up my nephew's face. Or to appreciate my mother's delight in watching ducks slowly paddle by the dock.

For our final outing this year, we visited one of our nation's gorgeous national parks: Sleeping Bear Dunes. We went at sunset to experience the stunning view in a different light. Literally. It was a spectacular moment to share together before we scatter back to our respective homes in Illinois, Wisconsin, Tennessee, California, and Virginia.

Henry David Thoreau often spoke about the restorative force of nature and its ability to heal us. In 1853 he offered these words:

All nature is doing her best each moment to make us well -- she exists for no other end. Do not resist her.

For whatever amount of summer may be left, try spending it in nature, whether that's in a backyard close to home or a stunning vista along Lake Michigan. Do not resist the moment. Savor it. Be ON VACATION for real.

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Discover Flow to Handle Stress & Manage Anxiety

I recently hosted a seminar exploring the stressors currently affecting so many of us, from politics to economics, and the toll they're taking on our minds and bodies. May, which just ended, is designated each year as Mental Health Awareness Month. But any lessons about how best to manage anxiety in the face of amped-up stressors remain vital all year round. They may even hold the key to how we humans thrive and not merely survive.

Illustration by Shutterstock.

Are we hopelessly caught up in the current chaos of our times? Rising prices, political tensions, climate crises, religious strife, border hostilities, to name just a few stress monsters menacing our peace. It's increasingly too much to comprehend or to healthily manage as individuals.

Although each of us has our unique worries, experts advise us to first recognize the difference between ones we can and cannot control. Those looming over us from outside forces are usually out of our control. They also consume considerable amounts of our time and energy without bringing us much personal relief.

That's not to say we shouldn't do our part to help others, to pitch in with our communities, and to join groups dedicated to tackling global problems. But to do the David-versus-Goliath thing on a continual basis most often results in serious burnout. We not only fail to save the world, but seriously jeopardize our health and long-term mental and physical well-being.

Sustained chaos, like what we're currently experiencing on a global scale, is particularly dangerous. Most struggles that we're designed to handle are challenging enough. They also have a beginning, a middle, and an end. When a hurricane damages our town, the storm eventually passes, and the clean-up begins. After a loved one passes, we feel incredibly devastated but gradually start to heal.

The kind of chaos creeping into our psyches from ongoing news reports, political speeches, and social media follows no logic. It endlessly loops. It overwhelms us with volatile levels of uncertainty and keeps us on high alert with no end in sight.

One way to find immediate relief from the disturbing external noise is to go on a media diet. Perhaps choose healthier tidbits to ingest, reduced number of platforms to check, and scaled-back social media snacking. Team up with an accountability buddy to keep media use in check. Agree to stash the smart phones during dinner and cherish the time with new or old friends who deserve our full attention. Go old school every now and then. Hand deliver an invitation. Skip the emoji and hug someone for real. The more we can engage our bodies (and not just our fingers), the sharper we remain. Be the content creators of our own lives and give the agitated mediated world a rest.

Also understand what's going on in our brains when we feel overwhelmed. A sense that we're barely hanging on, like a hamster running on a wheel and going nowhere fast. Dealing with the demands of work, family dynamics, school schedules, tight budgets, and health scares often leave us feeling barely in control. To successfully navigate such daily stressors, especially when they're intensifying, is to examine and accept what it means to be of "a healthy mind in a healthy body."

What's an amygdala and how does it hijack us?

Neuroscience may not seem the answer to our problems when we're stuck in traffic and becoming agitated or in the middle of a panic attack. But it may provide insights worth investigating. They can explain how to better deal with chaos along with focusing on what matters most in our busy lives.

Courtesy of UC-Berkeley

While each of us has individual circumstances that cause us concern, we humans share brains that are hard-wired to react to stress in similar ways.

Our "thinking" brain is called the pre-frontal cortex. It enables us to make thoughtful, rational choices. It's where we process moment-to-moment input from our surroundings, compare that to past experiences, and hopefully make sound decisions.

Then, there's the "emotional brain." The limbic system, and, in particular, the amygdala, which acts as our personal alarm. This part of the brain is the oldest. It dates back to when we were forced to run from predators to survive. React quickly, think later, once we were safe. Most of us rarely have to flee ferocious beasts in the wild anymore. But we still need the amygdala to signal to our brains when we need to flee a burning building or to fight off an attacker. In short, it's there to let us know when to fight, flight, or freeze to get out of danger.

Does the brain know the difference between threats we can or can't control? Does it know real danger from perceived threats (largely constructed in our heads)? The short answer is no. Not without our help and plenty of practice. And it may be the most valuable act of self-care we can do: learn to manage stress-related false alarms as if our lives depended on it, because they do.

Let's imagine a scenario that spooks most of us and triggers our amygdala's warning system. We agreed to give a best man or maid-of-honor speech in front of our friends and family. Or give a presentation on our expertise in front of potential clients. Whether there are 50 or 500 people staring back at us, most of us have a fear of public speaking, perhaps enough to cause us to panic. Our amygdala senses that threat and tries to run the show

As we approach the microphone, our palms perspire, our pulse quickens, and our saliva dries up. It's proof our limbic system has turned off some bodily functions to prepare others for bold, swift action.

One of the chemicals our brain is releasing is adrenaline.

The Mayo Clinic notes, "It makes the heart beat faster, causes blood pressure to go up and gives [us] more energy." Our bodies are ready to flee, fight, or freeze. And none of these responses are going to work well for the above scenario. What's happening and why can't we stop it? Who's setting off these alarms in our heads? Well, we are. Or at least our inner critic, that ever-vigilant, negative-spewing voice that lives in our heads. The one now stoking our fears and warning us that we're about to fail miserably or make utter fools of ourselves.

Without an intervention, we'll soon experience a full-blown amygdala hijacking.

The good news is that we can learn to stop such hijackings before they happen. With practice, we can learn to recognize when and why it's happening before things spiral out of control.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PglaInxZfUc

Getting control over being out of control

We can take effective action in the following ways:

Notice the physical signals.

Don't ignore the wisdom of our bodies. Headaches, elevated heart rate, butterflies in the stomach are among the messages our bodies are sending to signal something is happening. Becoming aware of how stressed, anxious, or worried we are is the first step to keeping our thinking brains online.

Buy time. 

Take a few deep breaths to calm ourselves down. That allows us time to decode the warnings being transmitted and to interrogate their source. Do we recognize the handiwork of our inner critic, negative by nature and given to dark exaggeration versus reliable facts. With practice, we can learn to override harmful thoughts with more positive and affirming ones.

Practice positivity until it becomes a habit.

The formation of new habits often follows the 21/90 rule. The formula was introduced in the 1950s and tweaked over the years by psychologists and wellness practitioners. The idea is to stick to a goal for at least 21 days, which increases our chances of success. To continue to do so on a consistent basis for more than 90 days enables it to become integrated into our lifestyles.

The aptly named field of Positive Psychology focuses on developing our strengths in order to build resilience and to embrace change with both curiosity and optimism. Traditional psychology aims to remedy our problems, to concentrate on fixing what's wrong with us, along with treating other negative aspects of our experiences. It's more complicated that just a case of seeing the glass as half full or half empty. Both perspectives are valid when appropriately applied, the latter necessary for treating crippling trauma (PTSD) and other unresolved mental health conditions.

If we're ready to move on, though, the tools of Positive Psychology can help strengthen our resolve and help us become the best version of ourselves.

Its roots date back to the 1970s when researchers were trying to find out if there were links between income and happiness. Turns out what's more important is our ability to connect with others, savor pleasure, and develop a sense of gratitude. Positive Psychology techniques emphasize mindfulness, self-compassion, and positive thinking as pathways to fulfillment. And flow, which we'll get to in a second.

What is clear from the research is that the best way to beat the blues, manage our stress, or outsmart our brain's negative default is to stay positive. Sounds simple? In a way it is.

The first step out of the darkness and into the light may be to adopt a daily ritual that leans into positivity to bring relief. It helps quiet the noise and silence our inner critics, as well as the other voices of doom we're hearing. Maybe it's time to give peace a chance. At least for the sake of our stressed-out minds and overwrought bodies.

Self-care: the secret to staying sane

The worst part of amygdala hijackings is that such persistent alarms eventually take their toll on us. Our brains and bodies aren't being given the time to rest and restore between highly charged reactive responses to perceived threats. Sustained stress, anxiety, and worry overburden our mental and physical systems. They aren't designed to function in perpetual states of emergency. They need down time.

Those of us who are workaholics, worry warts, and perpetually anxious may develop conditions that become chronic. Digestive problems, heart disease and stroke, sleep issues, weight gain, and troubles with memory and focus. The truth is that many of these are preventable with self-care that manages stress before things get out of control.

Self-care means making ourselves and our well-being a priority on a daily basis. Just as we have to eat every day, we should also take care of our mental health each and every day. The problem is we don't usually put "self-care" on our calendars. Without being specific, as in just jotting down "stop worrying" after finishing breakfast, isn't going to get it done.

Often times when we do schedule a massage or a walk in the park, it's at the bottom of the to-do list. It's the first to get sacrificed when we get too busy. We tell ourselves we'll get to it if there's time, which we frequently seem to run out of. And only after we've taken care of everybody else.

For many of us, we're better at taking care of our cars than ourselves. We double-check that their batteries are charged, their gas tanks are full, and they're serviced regularly. To push the metaphor one step further: when was the last time we checked under our own hoods?

Taking care of ourselves doesn't have to be complicated or involve huge commitments of time and money. It can happen with just a few consistent practices. And most of them can effectively recharge our own batteries and provide the necessary benefits to restore and maintain our well-being.

Plan, honor, and keep self-care simple

It's important to keep three factors in mind when planning self-care. First schedule it like any other vital task. Second, consider it sacred and a promise we vow to keep as we would any other. Finally, keep it simple and consistent. Remember the 21/90 rule: 21 days to form a habit, 90 days to integrate it into a lifestyle.

The National Institute of Mental Health offers some familiar but proven suggestions.

• Exercise - Make it natural, pick an activity we enjoy: walk the dog, tend a garden, dance while making dinner.  

• Eat healthy - Monitor caffeine and alcohol (but enjoy that glass of wine, it has proven health benefits).

• Get sleep - Set a timer to wind down, then give ourselves permission to shut down.

• Play - Read, listen to music, color/draw/paint, enjoy board games with friends.

• Set priorities - Code their importance, schedule specific tasks, then let them go.

• Practice gratitude - Write or say a few things at the day's end to be grateful for. Our brains can't wallow in what's negative while scanning the day for what was positive.

• Stay connected - Stay in regular touch with people who love and support us. Reduce time spent with those who are toxic and make us feel lousy about ourselves.

• Be positive - At the very least, talk nicer to ourselves than our inner critics.

While we're scheduling self-care, set aside a time to worry. Really.

As clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff explains, "Although it might sound counterintuitive, this technique is designed to help you reduce the amount of time you spend worrying about things beyond your control."

Start by setting a timer, then list all our worries on a piece of paper or into a voice recording. The process allows us to clear our heads and stop the endless ruminating that can trigger our alarm system. By scheduling when to worry, we dedicate a time to give our problems our undivided attention. And it allows our thinking brains to do most of the heavy lifting.

Plenty of tools exist to help us schedule self-care. Most of them are easy to adopt and cost-effective for the benefits they provide. And they can make a marked difference on our quality of life.

A few products on the market include pre-printed cards, lists, and eye-catching stickers to help schedule all forms of self-care. This one pictured here is from Etsy and costs less than $3. Other sites offer hundreds of ideas and formats to suit any style, from business-like to playfully color-coded.

We could also read a short poem every morning for a couple of minutes and meditate a couple more on the emotions it stirs up. Or listen to a favorite song for a few minutes and daydream about the happy memories it evokes. Or simply pray to the higher power that brings us divine comfort and solace.

Also available are phone apps for coping with a variety of mental health issues. The Anxiety & Depression Association of America offers MindShift and Breathe2Relax for free. Other subscriber options are available, including Calm. Its producers claim it's the #1 app for meditation and sleep, boasting of more than 4 million subscribers. It runs about $6 a month with an annual subscription and features daily affirmations, guided meditations, and "sleep stories" narrated by celebrities such as LeBron James and Maya Rudolph.

Healthline, a respected and free online health source, reviewed the app and cautioned that it's no substitute for the advice of a mental health professional. Yet, its reviewers confirmed Calm's documented benefits and widespread popularity, especially its sleep stories and content aimed at children.

Mindfulness and meditation

Both mindfulness and meditation too often sound like buzz words marketed as if they were fashion accessories. For many the thought of meditating sounds like something only avid practitioners should attempt. As one of those skeptics, I've come to appreciate that there is no right or wrong way to meditate. It's about dedicating at least five minutes to engage in some type of quiet reflection.

"You're not trying to turn off your thoughts or feelings. You're learning to observe them without judgment. And eventually, you may start to better understand them as well," notes Headspace, another popular phone app dedicated to wellness.

I've also tried other ways to sit quietly and contemplate. Some ways don't always fit the meditation label, but they're no less meditative, with all the related benefits. For the last week I've been watching a live lake cam of a loon sitting on her nest over at least one egg. There's very little action going on. Yet, I'm engrossed in watching and listening to her efforts to be a good mom-to-be. It just takes a few minutes to make me smile and I'm never sure why.

Like most of us, I don't have much time to relax by a lake and enjoy its sights and sounds. This is one way of making the lake come to me. It allows my mind to focus on something other than my troubles. And, ultimately, how we meditate or muse or ponder is as individual as its benefits are universal.

If the lotus position (seen above) seems too difficult or we're in a workplace without the floor space or privacy, take five minutes to watch a free YouTube video of a relaxing landscape or calming music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utXqRXnkEuw

Go with the flow

Finally, one of the most effective tools that Positive Psychology outlines for self-care, and the biggest bang for our buck, is to go with the flow.

Although it sounds familiar, in this context it means to find an activity that allows us to become completely engrossed in what we're doing, enough that time flies. Flow activities are those in which we're able to become so absorbed in the doing (and not the thinking), that we're able to block out distractions, with few extraneous thoughts interrupting our minds (and bodies).

Flow activities allow us to experience the joy of play and sense of satisfaction even for short bursts of time: 10 or 15 minutes. It's a sure-fire way to reduce our stress and manage our anxiety.

The key is not to simply veg out. We can only recharge our batteries doing an activity that engages the mind, not numbs it. It's called mindless TV for a reason!

To get the benefits of meditation or any flow activity, our brain must release what are known as "feel-good hormones" or neurotransmitters that bring about pleasant effects.

Stanford psychologist Matt Dixon describes our "default mode network" as the brain region "involved in rumination and construction of thoughts about the past and future." Yes, anxiety's home base! Meditation and other such practices raise our levels of feel-good hormones, which counteract the default mode and allow us to stop over-thinking and be "more into the present moment.”

The feel-good hormones include dopamine (the neurotransmitter of pleasure), serotonin (the neurotransmitter of happiness), and GABA (the neurotransmitter of calmness). Angela Lumba-Brown, co-director of the Stanford Brain Performance Center, describes the rise in levels of these chemicals when we're engaged in an "intentional practice to cultivate awareness using concentration." That includes meditation but also describes what happens when doing any flow activity.

Still wondering what such an activity looks like? Watch children at play. They're not aware they're doing self-care or trying to get a "dopamine rush." They're just having fun. They've mastered the act of immersion, surrendered to their curiosity, and are fully engaged. No worries about what else they should be doing. Just being, without hesitation or judgment.

Maybe it's time for us to be kids again to learn how best to act like adults.

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Words to the Wise: Keep a Poem in Your Pocket

As we close out April, the National Calendar earmarks several "special" reasons throughout the year to celebrate everything from pizza to gerbils. The 23rd was Talk Like Shakespeare Day and the 29th was Poem in Your Pocket day. Those days also included commemorating cherry cheesecake, shrimp scampi, and the peace rose -- a hybrid tea rose, whose namesake we could use a lot of right now. It comes into bloom in late spring, so those who own such a beautiful, fragrant rose have that to look forward to as we head into the month of May.

See Heirloom Roses to learn more about the Peace Rose.

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

The above line is from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and suggests that words alone cannot dictate the meaning of something or someone. Their essence is able to transcend words. On the other hand, Gertrude Stein in 1916 offered: "A rose is a rose is a rose," which might point out that sometimes things are just what they seem, no matter what labels or descriptors we use to inflate or abuse them. I'll leave parsing the deeper meanings of both phrases to others.

I'm more curious about that poem in a pocket thing. Who couldn't use somebody else's well-chosen words to lift our spirits or get us through the day, the month, even the year? I'm not a daily consumer of poetry, but when I find one that speaks truth, that aptly captures what it means to be human, wrapping words around feelings and anxieties with gentle force, I can't help but be moved.

One of my favorites -- a go-to when I'm feeling anxious. See other "pocket-sized" poems at livingmarvelously.com.

According to the Academy of American Poets, the month of April is National Poetry Month, and aspiring poets and those simply inspired by poetry are encouraged to submit their favorites with the intent of sharing them with others. Pay it forward, pass it on, give the gift of words to those who need it most, which is probably most of us nowadays.

The Poem in Your Pocket Day was started in April of 2002 by the mayor of New York City until the academy took on the project and expanded it to all 50 states. In 2016, the League of Canadian poets joined in as well. Some cities, including Charlottesville, Virginia, spend a designated day in April to hand out roughly 7,000 scrolls of selected poems to delight recipients at local hospitals, libraries, senior centers, and businesses around town.

The goal is to find a poem that encourages reflection or that sparks joy (having survived a Marie Kondo purge of all other non-joyous belongings). And if we don't have a favorite poem stashed away, there are plenty of sites offering perennial favorites or featuring the musings of up-and-coming wordsmiths.

Does poetry have to rhyme?

That question was asked of me by many a student during my teaching career when the subject of poetry came up or a sample was included in a textbook. I knew they loved music, so I asked them to gather lyrics from their favorite songs, then try reading them out loud (with no musical accompaniment). Could they still hear the rhythm of the words, the flow of a good story, vivid pictures painted with lyrics alone? When that proved too hard to separate what they could still hear in their heads, I introduced them to a few "musical poets" who lived long before they were born. There was no melody in their heads anymore, hopefully just their open minds.

I started with Cole Porter, that titan of the Jazz Age, born in 1891 (died in 1964), and who authored more than 800 songs during his long career. In a site dedicated to poetry, Porter's lyrics are described as sophisticated and witty, exploring "themes of love, loss, and the complexities of human relationships, often with a touch of irony and satire."

A perfect example of Porter's intuitive lyrics matched with a singer renowned for his impeccable "phrasing" is Frank Sinatra's version of Porter's "I Get a Kick Out of You."

The 2023 book "Frank Sinatra's Artistry and the Question of Phrasing" delves into the singer's gift, defining phrasing as "a musician's way of lifting matter to meter." In this version of Porter's song, Sinatra becomes the "interpreter" and "master storyteller" of the song's conversational approach about a man besotted by the woman he loves. It reflects Sinatra's "innate grasp of his text and its presentation."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IJp--qbFCU

See this poetry site that includes the lyrics to this song.

Poets of rock and roll and beyond

My students and I moved on to Chuck Berry.

"I saw her from the corner when she turned and doubled back / And started walkin' toward a coffee-colored Cadillac," notes Randy Lewis of the Los Angeles Times, reiterating a few lyrics from Berry's song, "Nadine." Lewis suggests that Berry is "crafting not only a compelling narrative of romantic attraction but also one that completed a rhyme with a brilliant example of alliteration."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpRnWLyXw9Q

Next, we explored Joni Mitchell, who published her self-titled book of The Complete Poems and Lyrics in 1997. She managed to write more than 270 songs and is still hard at work today at age 81. Her socially conscious song "Big Yellow Taxi" is described in a climate science course flyer at Smith College as an "environmental anthem that critiques environmental destruction and excessive urban development." Mitchell supposedly wrote the song on a trip to Hawai'i, where she noticed a new parking lot had been built that was detracting from the otherwise stunning vista around her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2595abcvh2M

Finally, we looked at the poetry of the late rap artist Tupac Shakur, who once said, "reality is wrong, dreams are for real." Shakur was known to revere poetry an an art form and later embedded its quiddities into his music. On a site called Mad Poets Society, Shakur's poetry is featured prominently and showcases one of the artist's more famous offerings: "The Rose that Grew from Concrete."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Yy9aZxIbOk

A father of a 7th grader in Texas learned that Shakur was included in his son's English class. Surprised at first, he told reporters in 2022 that he came to realize that Shakur's words moved his son, along with teaching him the meaning of metaphor. Shakur, who was shot and killed in 1996 at the age of 25, had studied poetry at the Baltimore School for the Arts, and was mentored by writer-poet Leila Steinberg. His poem, which he wrote at age 19, is often interpreted as being about hope and resilience despite growing up in challenging environments.

By the way, on the whole, my students did brilliantly with the above exercises. One even asked about Bob Dylan and was it true that he took his name from the Welsh poet, Dylan Thomas? True. And to this day, some of them send me lyrics and poems they find meaningful. Words fail to describe how rewarding that is as a teacher. If they were here with me now, they'd point out that words rarely fail me. I think what they're saying is that I talk too much.

Whose line (or stanza) is it anyway?

Grammarly, the AI-generated writing companion that many of us adopt to help us write coherent sentences (if we don't turn it off mid-sentence and scream: grammar be damned!), offers a step-by-step guide to writing poetry.

"Poetry is ... song lyrics without the music? Writing that rhymes? A bunch of comparisons and abstract imagery that feels like a code for the reader to decipher?" Grammarly asks before getting to its tips for writing poetry.

More to the point, its algorithmic amalgamation of multi-sourced information concluded that poetry is a "broad literary category that covers everything from bawdy limericks to unforgettable song lyrics to the sentimental couplets inside greeting cards."

Poetry remains as accessible as it is difficult. Its "lack of rules can make it feel hard to define," Grammarly adds to its explanation. I guess it's one of those concepts that we'll know it when we see it? Or it's in the eye of the beholder?

Yogi-isms: words of wit and wisdom

If Cole Porter and Chuck Berry can be considered poets, so can the late, great Yogi Berra, known as much for his playful aphorisms as he was for his stellar career as a baseball player and manager.

Many of his pithy sayings have become part of the American lexicon, including "it ain't over till it's over."

Many of his Yogi-isms capture the crux of a matter, and are an authentic attempt at shared meaning. That's despite his choice of words, which often defied logic and turned any common interpretation on its head.

Like stand-up comics who depend on rhythm and timing to deliver punchlines, Berra relied on his listeners' willingness to sift through his words and grasp his larger point. We came to expect and embrace his most outlandish oxymorons.

• When you get to a fork in the road, take it.

• The future ain't what it used to be.

• Ninety percent of this game is half mental.

• You can observe a lot just by watching.

• It's like déjà vu all over again.

That last one is my favorite.

Berra isn't alone in twisting language, but he was earnest in trying to offer sage advice to anyone who'd listen. When he said, "half the lies they tell about me aren't true," we knew the larger point he was making was about false narratives that circulate and gain traction in media.

Others have invented phrases such as "plausible deniability" to prepare now to deny responsibility later (and be believed). They are not so innocent or well-intentioned. Another is a "near miss" to describe a close call between two airplanes that almost collide. These are calculated pieces of copywriting meant to describe something real, but to use less scary words that actually mean the opposite.

In the end, we understood what Berra was trying to say. And those who tried to rewrite him missed out on all the fun. He was a poet at heart, and another of poetry's enduring truth tellers.

"Words are the only things that last forever"

Those words were written by William Hazlitt, an English essayist and philosopher (1778-1830), who finished the above observations about words, noting they "are more durable than the eternal hills."

We may not be able to define poetry and its manipulation and celebration of words, but we know it remains relevant. And its sorely needed at a time when many of us struggle to make sense of the rancorous avalanche of words that threaten to bury us on a daily basis. From texts, ads, emails, billboards, and endless talking heads on media screens. So many words and so few of them really help us make sense of our world, our feelings, ourselves. The times cry out for poets who can offer us words of wisdom, whether they arrive in songs, clouds, fragments, lines, stanzas, couplets, quatrains, and quintains. (I just learned that those last few words describe sets of lines and stanzas in poems. As some of my students would say: whatever.)

In his review of the "functions of poetry" in Contemporary Poetry Review, Jan Schreiber described poetry's power to "entertain or amuse."

"It can offer an unexpected insight or a sharp observation. It can move. At moments of crisis or loss, or at times of rejoicing, it can offer consolation, comfort, or a decisive way of fixing the meaning and importance of the event," Schreiber added. "It can serve as a vehicle for meditation. With its power to stay in the mind, it can provide mental coordinates and emotional assurance over many years or decades." 

Thomas Gray, one of the most important English poets of the 18th century, once described poetry as "thoughts that breathe."

Like Gray's, the words of Emily Dickinson ring true today. Even though she who died in 1886, she's able to speak to us and, in some instances, for us. They remain personal and universal. Simple but profound. She speaks truth, and we could use more of that today.

The poem that appears here was written by Dickinson more than 162 years ago. It's certainly a finalist for my pocket poem. I'll keep it handy beyond April's celebration of poetry. I know I'm going to need her wise words for some time to come.

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